Panic or Peace?

The phone is ringing.  My inbox is full of unanswered email.  There are three requests on my desk which need immediate replies.  We are out of toilet paper and milk in the fridge has soured.  It is easy to get lost in the details of a day.  The details swell and grow.  Suddenly the details of an ordinary day have morphed into a gigantic two-headed monster who will devour me at a moment's notice if I don't stay ahead of it.

The detail monster (D.M. as I affectionately call her) reigns will an iron fist making sure that all attention comes her way.  The only way to break her power is to stop.  I know that sounds counter intuitive.  The smart thing to do would be to clear the list so that tomorrow can be a fresh start.  According to that theory the monster would remain small, baby-size, but manageable.

I disagree.  I don't want her running any piece of my day.  So.... I stop.  I turn off both my phones, close the computer, hide my to-do list under the stack of papers on my desk and go find my comfy chair.  For twenty minutes I get to sit and simply notice my breath.   D.M. is not allowed entry into my sanctuary.  If she dares to breach the walls of my thoughts, she is swiftly booted to the curb and I return to the serenity of noticing my breath.

Those twenty minutes where I am apparently doing nothing but breathing are the bedrock of my life.  It sounds strange, I am sure.  However,  those moments allow me to connect with myself.  They allow me the space to ground myself in the pieces of living that important to me.  Despite her best attempt, D.M. will not be running the show.  When she is in control, I start to look like her minus the extra head.  My temper frays.  I become impatient and testy.  In that mood, everything takes longer because of the complaining factor.  I mentally complain about every task at hand.  It adds energy and time for that extra step.

Life is much better for me and for everyone I come in contact with if D.M. finds another realm to conquer.  Most days if I practice what I preach, she stays away only occasionally scratching at the door.  However, if I miss a day or two, she can smell the opening and charges back with a vengeance. This dance between the two of us becomes a practice.  I practice my daily sit.  I practice paying attention to each task before me, one at a time.  I practice not heeding D.M.'s voice as she beckons me towards panic. I simply take one thing at a time and give my full attention to it.  When that is completed, I move on the next thing.

So today, I will answer the phone.  I will breath.  I will answer some emails.  I will be grateful for the fact that I replied to as many as I did.  I will go to the grocery store because really a house can't survive without toilet paper and some milk.  And ... for today D.M. has to find another place to live!

Well, it's official!  I have a new website up and launched!  Ordinary Wild Woman now has a site dedicated to helping women access their inner Wild Woman through a coaching experience.  While personally I think coaching is a great option, there are other ways to coax that Wild Woman to the surface.  Sometimes it feels as though she has gone on a holiday somewhere sunny and forgotten to take you with her. She is still around waiting for an invitation to come out and play.  At the very least she needs a crack in your being so she can escape!

Here are some suggestions about how you might reconnect with her.  It is certainly worth the effort!  The wisdom she brings is wisdom we all need.


1.  Take ten minutes and simply sit.  Breathe. Give yourself a chance to stop and listen.  In those quiet moments she may appear.  Even if she doesn't you have a chance to be present to yourself and maybe open up her escape hatch!

2.  Stretch yourself out of your comfort zone. It doesn't have to be big.  Walk around the block.  Go somewhere by yourself.  Make the phone call you have been dreading.  Publish a website!

3. Move your body! That doesn't necessarily mean exercise. Turn up the radio and dance around the kitchen.  Remember the saying, "dance like no one is watching"?  Dancing in circles around your kitchen may present some problems if you have a spouse.  However, children are great dance partners.   If you have a drum, drum while you dance.  If that is all too much for you, at least go shimmy in the privacy of your bathroom.  Just one little shimmy!  You can do it!

4. Be thankful for something.  Gratitude opens the heart in amazing ways.  It is a good place to start any change.  Wild Women do have extraordinarily grateful hearts.

5. Find a reason to laugh.  Wild Women can't resist the sound of laughter.  They want to join in and laugh so hard it makes them roll around on the floor!  Besides, laughter is good for your blood pressure.

There is a start for enticing your Wild Woman to come out and join the party.  If you have any other suggestions, I would love to hear them!

Here's to meeting your long lost friend, the Ordinary Wild Woman within!

PS  The website address is www.ordinarywildwoman.com. Check it out!

Mountains and the Ocean

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  Reflections from a trip to Canmore, AB. at the end of February 2013

 The Canadian Rockies are spectacular.  My daughter has only been speechless twice in her twenty-five years.  Once when I told her I had bought a house with a pool in the backyard. The second time was when she saw the Rockies for the first time when she was eight.

   My first glimpse of them was through pale gray rain clouds.  My husband, pointed out some enormous shapes through the drizzle.  I thought it was just larger clouds. The mountains of my youth were the ancient Appalachians, which stood like regal elders rounded over with age.  The outline of these was that of prideful youth, tall and craggy reaching nearly to the clouds.  My disbelief turned to wonder as we were enveloped in their majesty.  I had to tilt my head far back to see their peaks.

   There are bigger mountains the further in you drive.  But the ones assigned to welcome people, the ones on the distant edges are my favourites. There is an ancient wisdom and peace about them.  Perhaps it comes from simply standing in one place for so long.  Or perhaps it is their solidness and size.  Whatever it is I find comfort in them.

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   I have lived for the last decade in the foothills of these mountains.  Yet it has been at least two years since I have come to call on them.  Yesterday, I returned.  Once again amazed by their power and beauty.

   Without a doubt, I am a beach woman.  The sun, the sand, the pounding of the waves,  speak to my soul.  Given a choice I chose the beach every time.  But I have come to realise that a dose of the mountains every now and then is life giving too.  They have their own kind of energy.

  I could feel the energy shift as I drove in yesterday.  It isn’t always comfortable for me which is why I like the ocean better.  Sometimes the mountains unsettle me.  There is structure and a sense of constraint as I stand in the midst of them.  Where the ocean speaks of endless possibilities the mountains talk of setting goals and heading in a specific direction. 

   I was only there less than twenty-four hours, but I heard their whispers, their call to decisions which are always held in the hand of the Creator.  I listened.  Their voice has taken up residence in the deepest places of my heart to give balance to the wide open dare of the sea.  Together their voices blend to offer guidance as a I launch myself into the next unknown piece of my life.

Choice, Change and Fall

  Summer is moving slowly into Fall in this part of the world. The shimmering heat is giving way to the hint of coolness on the breeze.  Routines are beginning again as children pack their lunches, load their backpacks and head off to school today.  My office goes back to regular hours and another program year is starting.
   This summer has been one filled with lots of travel, new adventures, interesting invitations and experiences that will sustain me for a lifetime.  I move into this new rhythm of the year changed in outlook and commitment.  Instead of dreading the rush of activity and the onslaught of requests I am moving into these days trying on some new ways of being to see if they fit.  I am experimenting in creating a life that I choose, rather than simply responding to what happens around me.
   So often in the midst of the dailiness of our lives, we forget we have choices.  We forget that we can shape our lives, soften the edges, shore up the foundations.  It doesn't require that we leave our lives to do something completely different in a different city with different people.  It does require that we pay attention to ourselves; our emotions, our spirit, our bodies.  Being present to any or all of those pieces may not be easy.  Some practice is usually required.  But as we tune into our being we become more conscious of what choices are available and how simply choosing to do one small thing differently causes change to happen.
   I am convinced as I read, talk with people and look around the world that the most profound action we can take in order to step fully into our lives is to pay attention.  This fall is an invitation to pay attention to my being so I can achieve the peace and change that I so deeply desire.
    Children are not the only ones starting school today!

Traveling partners

If you want to know how strong a relationship is there are two sure fire ways to test it. First, you can try to do a renovation together. Between the dust and the actual work many a relationship have crumbled into pieces. The far more interesting way to see if you have a relationship that can stand the stresses and strains of life is to travel together. If you can negotiate missed directions, food choices, hotel snafus, and wandering through a country where neither of you speak the language, you probably have what it takes.
I am traveling through Europe with two close friends, who happen to be married to each other. I am happy to discover that we travel well together. There is no fussing, arguing or hurt feelings. Laid back, easy going personalities make the trip go smoothly.
The Amazing Race is onto something. Next time you watch notice how the pairs work or don't with each other. You may love someone very much but you are better off not traveling with them. An important fact to know to increase the survival rate of any kind of relationship. Thank you Verna and Bill for your friendship and company!

Roots

Almost every time I talk with someone about what is most important to them they tell me it is family and friends. As they continue to explain, the underlying appreciation of roots and community surface. With very few exceptions, human beings want to belong somewhere. It doesn't matter if you live in downtown Toronto or the jungles of the Amazon, we all want to have a sense of community and place.
Some people live their whole lives in one geographical area. They know the history, people's names, where to shop and have routines which have been honed over a lifetime. I yearn for that. At the age of fifty-four the longest I have lived anywhere is nine years. I am ready for some roots, ready to find a place to spend the rest of my life. That may sound a tad dramatic, but given my age and genetics we are talking thirty years at the most.
So, where will this desire take me? It could be anywhere in the world. But wherever it is it needs to be near water with a few people of like mind. Beyond thst the list gets fuzzy. However, despite my dauther's pleas, I am pretty sure it won't be winnipeg.

I wonder

Every time I travel I can't help but wonder what it would be like to live in the places I visit. Last year I was ready to move to Ecuador. Now I am toying with the idea of residing in a small village in Holland. The narrow brick streets lined with small houses appeals to me. The possibility of riding a bike to the places I need to go appeals to me. The fact that I do not speak a word of Dutch, does present a tiny stumbling block. However, that has never stopped me before.
I have the thought in the back of my head since I read Eat,Pray,Love that I would love to live in Europe for a bit. The history beckons and romance entices. Anything is possible outside of your own backyard.
The question still remains: of all the places in the world, where is it that I would most like to live? What are the important elements a place must possess to make it livable and life giving for me? I do not know the answers. But as I try to figure out the next piece of my life, I am certainly asking those questions. Today Holland seems like a good choice.