The Hardest Thing

If you have been born, you have a story to tell.  If you have lived to be middle aged, you have lots of stories.  Some of the stories are of victory and celebration.  Others tell of survival and tenacity.  Others fall somewhere in between.  Stuck in the layers of the tales are those that we don't want to remember, the hard pieces that have called us to the edge.  Sometimes they have broken us.   They are the hardest pieces.  Unfortunately, those are often the places where extraordinary growth takes place.  By the way, I am tired of growing.
  There have been hard pieces over the years.  They are distinctly mine.  More often than not they involve another human being and their actions.  Forgiveness comes into play.  Boundaries get redefined and strengthened.  Wisdom around human relationships deepens.  After all that work and growth, I have now hit the hardest pieces in myself.  For years these pieces have been hidden as others around me behave badly or life simply happens.  But now, it is just me and those stubborn bits that have refused to move.  Everyone has different ones.  Mine has to do primarily with weight and all that is tied to it. 
    Finally, today I have had enough.  It has taken years, but here I am looking at what seems the hardest most insurmountable piece yet and I have decided it must be dealt with now.  It must be examined, thanked, and banished.  Even though it looks like this piece might be the one that breaks me, I know in my bones that it won't.  It will be tricky to navigate and require all the skills I have acquired over the years.  The difference this time is that I care enough about myself to do what is in my best interest.  Gone are the days of putting myself last or believing that there is something fundamentally wrong with me.  I am just fine, a little flawed and frayed around the edges like everyone else on the planet, but just fine.
     This step of the journey begins to unfold because I am coming back to my word for the year: commitment.  Barely two months into 2012 and that word is taking me off in directions I could scarcely imagine when I so innocently picked it at the end of December.  So here I go, heading off to tackle the hardest piece.  I hope with all my being there are some rest stops on the way!  Growing up is hard work.